It's Sunday night and the swim meet is Saturday. Your nine-year-old has asked three times whether she has to go. Then, at bedtime, with the lights already off: "What if I come in last and everybody's watching?"
You have about four seconds to say something useful.
Most of us reach for one of two things. "Don't be silly, you'll be great!" Or the twenty-minute deep dive into every possible outcome. The first brushes the worry aside. The second can accidentally feed it.
There's a middle path, and it looks a lot like Nori. Nori is our green leaf-hooded friend, and Nori's motto is "I can do hard things slowly." Nori is nervous and still trying. That's the whole idea.
Start by listening
The NHS advice for parents begins here: talk with your child about the worry, listen carefully, and try not to make assumptions or dismiss it. Let them know that noticing and talking about a worry is a good thing.
"That sounds like a real worry. Tell me more about it."
You're not agreeing that disaster is coming. You're agreeing that the feeling is real.
Watch the leading questions
The Child Mind Institute makes a point that surprised us: try not to ask leading questions. "Are you scared about the meet? Worried about the big kids? Nervous about the diving block?" can hand a child three new things to worry about.
Open questions keep it theirs. "How are you feeling about Saturday?"
Child Mind also suggests respecting the feeling without amplifying it. Our own tone and face matter here. If we look alarmed, a child reads that as proof there's something to be alarmed about.
Don't promise. Do believe.
"You'll win, I know it" is a promise you can't keep, and kids know it. Child Mind recommends positive but realistic expectations. You can't guarantee the outcome. You can say you believe she can handle it.
"I don't know how the race will go. I do know you can do it nervous. And I'll be right there on the bleachers."
Make a small plan
Worry loves a blank space. Both the NHS and Child Mind suggest filling it in by thinking things through together. The NHS example is a child worried about a sleepover: make a plan, maybe one that involves a close friend being there.
"Okay, say you do come in last. Then what happens?" Often the answer, once said out loud, is: you get out of the pool, you get a towel, we get tacos. A worry with an ending is easier to carry.
Keep the runway short
Child Mind notes that the hardest part is often the waiting beforehand, so it can help to keep that lead-up short. You don't need to bring up Saturday every evening. Mention the plan once, then let the week be a normal week.
Avoiding feels good, for about a day
When our kid is this nervous, skipping the meet looks like kindness. Child Mind's guidance is that steering around everything that makes a child nervous may feel better in the short run but tends to make the worry stronger over time. The aim they describe is not to get rid of worry. It's to help a child learn they can feel it and still do the thing.
That doesn't mean shoving anyone off the diving block. The NHS is clear that forcing a child into a stressful situation without talking it through first can backfire. Think small steps. Go watch a practice. Swim one event, not three. Hard things, slowly.
Give the body something to do
The NHS suggests a simple one to practice together: three slow, deep breaths, in for a count of three and out for three. Practice on a boring Tuesday so it's familiar on Saturday.
And let them see you do it. Child Mind recommends modeling: kids learn a lot from watching how we handle our own nerves.
With teens, the same ideas apply with more privacy. Ask what kind of help they want before offering any: "Do you want ideas, or do you want me to just listen?"
Try this today
Ask one open question: "How are you feeling about ___?" Then listen without fixing.
Trade "You'll be fine" for "I think you can do this, even nervous."
Walk through the "then what?" of one worry until you reach an ordinary ending.
Practice three slow breaths together, in for three and out for three.
Pick one small step toward the hard thing, and let that be enough for today.
When to get more help
Worries come and go for every child. If your child's worries are very strong, stick around for weeks, or start keeping them from school, sleep, friends or things they usually enjoy, it's worth a conversation with their pediatrician, school counselor or a licensed mental health professional.
Feelumi shares general parenting information, not medical or psychological advice.
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